I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize