Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
