i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
