I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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