Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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