I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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