i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
