I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
