If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
