I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
