Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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