guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
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so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
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Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Pooping to opera.
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