I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
