last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize