whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize