I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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