I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
