Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
