Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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