It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
