Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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