So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
