my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
