I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
