The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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