Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
