why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
