Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
smell my finger.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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