How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
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I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
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I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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