you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
we should paint friendship bongs
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