I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
