you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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