I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
