Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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