i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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