Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
