As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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