i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
