Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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