Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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