You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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