worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
