Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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