i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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