There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
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they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
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but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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