he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I should be sponsored by Trojan
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
