her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
