they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
