I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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