Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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