i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
