Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
