i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
