Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
