and you said cock pushups were impossible
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
