being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
