i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
