Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
