Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
